


Roads

by RachelLeishman



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 16:59:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5878546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachelLeishman/pseuds/RachelLeishman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Leia Skywalker fell in love with the boy next door, she didn't expect him to be the 'knight in shining armor' she needed. But they escaped her abusive father and are driving down the coast to get as far away from the past as they can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roads

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ashisfriendly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashisfriendly/gifts).



She wasn’t particularly sure what day it was. It could be the middle of the week or the weekend, they could’ve been gone a few hours or month. She had stopped counting all together the minute the familiar faded into the unknown. 

But thinking back on what forced her out, what made her sit in this cramped front seat of a 1985 Volvo, reliving it made her skin crawl. So she closed her eyes, counted to ten, and pretended like this was what a normal nineteen year old did. 

The sun hit the dashboard, casting shadows throughout the old car. He’d kill her if he knew she referred to it as old but it was. Anything made after 1995 that needed to be repaired every five seconds should be considered such. But Leia would never say that to Han. Mainly because she was certain he loved this car more than he loved her.

“As much as the Falcon means to me, that ain’t the case, darling,” he’d say and she would instantly correct his grammar. She did it to annoy him, to force that glare to turn on her.

She loved when they bickered, it felt familiar to her and she was sure it was some morbid way of relating this to her past but it’s all she had ever known. Screaming and cursing was the only childhood she could relate to.

“We should be getting to Castaic soon.”

They left Portland and drove south, hoping to get far enough away that they couldn’t be found. It was a fantastical idea but Leia wasn’t really that practical of a girl. You couldn’t be when your entire life was basically the plot of a sad Lifetime movie.

Her black notebook sat out on the backseat, calling to her as Han stared ahead, some old Zeppelin album playing on his radio. So she reached for it, thinking that maybe it would keep her attention for a little while, maybe help her figure it all out.

_11/08/2015_

_Today I would have been celebrating my mother’s birthday if I was home. But that’s for the best. I could ask if I could call her from a payphone, hang up if he answers and Han would probably help me, but do I want to?_

_I left my parents house on my nineteenth birthday with the boy next door. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not a nice boy or someone you’d be proud to bring home to mom, but he’s mine and he’s the first thing I’ve been able to call that. Mine. Everything I had was always taken from me but now, now I had him._

“What’re you writing?”

Leia looked up to see they’d stopped, Han looking at her with a mix of concern and intrigue in his green eyes. 

“Nothing of importance. Stopping for lunch?”

“Something like that. Come on, bring your journal.” He grabbed his coat and a blanket from the backseat before he got out of the car and as much as Leia wanted to ask, she wanted to know what he was up to more. 

The sun seemed brighter outside the car, forcing her to grab her backpack and bring it with her. Her sunglasses made her look like some asshole who thought that the 1970s were cooler than modern day society but the reality was that they were the only thing that her mother ever gave her. That and her lack of height.

Han was far ahead of her now, a boyish bounce in every step he took. For twenty-five, he looked younger than she did. She used to tell him that he’d won the genetic lottery and she’d just been given the scraps. He’d tell her it was quite the opposite.

“What do you want to eat, princess? Our options are limited to that food truck over there.” Leia looked to see a taco truck not far from them. “Surprise me.”

Growing up, her father would talk about Han as if he was some terrible man. But then again, her father was a terrible man so maybe it took one to know one.

Her Han. The tall boy with the shaggy hair, scruff always littering his face and that scar across his chin that told everyone he was someone with stories to tell. She loved that chin scar and she would kiss it whenever she had the chance. Movies had disillusioned her to the idea of falling in love with the boy from the next house over but then again, she was a walking stereotype. 

“Alright, blanket’s out, tacos purchased and sun is shining. I figured you could lay out and write while I took a nap.”

“I could have driven if you’re tired. I do know how to drive a car.”

“Yeah and you can drive the Falcon when I’m dead.”

Leia rolled her eyes and, even though Han could not see her, he still laughed. But she was happy to see him relax. Ever since they left, she was sure he’d only slept a few hours each night.

_11/08/2015  
The day I left is the day that Leia Skywalker died. I don’t know what I’d call myself now, just not Skywalker. Leia was entirely my mother’s idea so that part of my identity would remain. An ode to the woman who kept me safe for as long as she could and a fuck you to my father. Maybe I’ll just take her name._

_Really, what was even the point in referring to him as my father? Could I call him my mother’s sperm bank or would that elude to him having any kind of redeeming qualities?_

_The last straw came for me years ago but I couldn’t break free, I didn’t have the chance. My mother kept me safe until I graduated from high school, convinced my father that if I had bruises that they would come after our family._

_So he resisted as long as he could. It was never anything sexual with me, not that it makes the beatings any better but at least that added element wasn’t dealt in my shitty hand of life. I did get one hell of a beating when he found out I’d lost my virginity._

_It was my idiotic tendency to write everything down that got me thrown into a wall, resulting in a broken wrist. “Try writing about your whore tendencies now.” To most, being eighteen and having sex with a boy you loved and who tried to save you from the pain inflicted by your own father would seem romantic in a fucked up way. But to my dad, I guess he’d thought he’d have killed me before I had the chance to sleep with anyone, let alone fall in love._  
  
Han moved beside her, burying himself into her side more so than he already was. It prevented her from writing but if it got him to sleep for more than an hour, she could let it go. It’d give her time to think.

He looked so much younger when he slept, his face relaxing and letting whatever worry he carried for her fade away. As long as they were running, those creases remained except for in moments like this.

“You worry too much. You’re going to go prematurely gray,” she murmured, running her hand through his hair that was just a little too long. She’d have to cut it when they finally stopped somewhere to sleep.

“Yeah? Well, whose fault is that?” Han moved so that his head was resting against her chest, getting as close to her as he could despite their height difference. “My fault mainly but you chose to get involved with the broken girl next door.”

He made some kind of disproving noise before burying his face into her. It was comfortable, something that said more about Leia than she would like to admit but who was she hiding from? Certainly not Han. He knew all her dirty laundry. Every speck of filth that littered her life, he’d been present for.

_11/08/2015  
I guess I’m the kind of person who has no qualms about dragging people down with me. I mean, I’m not the only one with baggage in this relationship but I certainly have the heavier load._

_Han finally let me choose the music. Honestly, a mistake on his end._

_“I want you so much but I hate your guts. I hate you.” It’s a Daughter song, Landfill. Han has expressed his hatred of it and his clenched jaw tells me that he wants to express that opinion again but it’s my turn. I could put it on repeat if I really wanted to piss him off but instead, I just let it play out._

_I guess all the songs I share with him have some deeper meaning. They express things my words can’t. But music has always done that for me. The most accurate one was when I played Let Me Go by HAIM the night before we left while my dad was in the room. It was probably lost on him, but it meant something to me._

_I want this notebook to be what all others were before it, my escape. But I guess that’s what this whole ‘road trip’ is. An escape. So maybe this should be my history. My way of relating what is happening to me to what has happened in the past. Yeah, it’ll be my own form of therapy._

_So then, I guess I should start at the beginning. My name is Leia Organa. I am nineteen years-old and I left home on my birthday to avoid my abusive father. I guess this is the beginning of my life now._


End file.
